When I was first thinking about becoming a KEOL DJ, there were two thoughts that filled me with great trepidation: What if my taste in music wasn’t interesting enough, and what if I would be too terrified to send my voice over the airwaves? I considered my taste in music to be good enough for me, but certainly not up to music-snob standards. And the idea of saying anything out loud, with my voice that reverts to that of a nervous little kid when I have to talk in front of people, was terrifying. How on earth could I possibly be a DJ?

In fact, when I first saw the KEOL table at the student activities and involvement fair, I only managed at glance at the information and mumble a greeting before I became too nervous to actually ask anything. I had to make another round of the tables so that I could work up the courage to talk to Courtney, our wonderful station manager, and say that I was interested in being a DJ.

The first time I went on air, under the supervision of Nicky Dynamite, I was almost too terrified to talk to him, let alone on the radio! I just played one song (Zombie by The Cranberries) and switched back over to SAM. The next week, I still didn’t have the courage to talk, so I just played a few songs. Finally, on the third week, I pulled together all of my bravery and spoke on air for the first time. I don’t remember when I did my first entire two-hour show, complete with announcing all of the songs and reading all the PSAs and underwriting, but I do know that it was a pretty stressful thing for me. Like any new DJ, I had patches of dead air, awkward transitions between songs, etc. In fact, I still do, particularly when I don’t start the vinyl in exactly the right spot (like in my last show) or accidentally start reading an underwriting when I’m supposed to be doing a PSA (…also during my last show. Definitely my roughest show in a while). I still have a tendency to sometimes start talking too fast or not enunciate clearly. I almost never talk more than to announce songs. I still tend to choose the shortest and easiest to read PSAs and underwriting. But I no longer feel the same fear when the clock creeps closer to the time that I need to read a PSA.

As for my insecurity regarding my taste in music, I soon got over that. (I did, however, realize that I needed to start listening to more bands so that my show wouldn’t just be the same few bands on repeat). At first I would plan out which songs I’d play the day before, write them down, and consult that list when I was doing my show. Now, I just pack up some CDs, head into the station, choose some more CDs and vinyl, and start playing whatever seems right. Admittedly, this leads to a bit of “WHAT DO I PLAY NOW?!” stress and the occasional case of my show going in unexpected directions (for example, the nearly half-hour long Pit Of Despair I ended up in during my last show). I learned to not worry about what others would think about my taste in music; it turns out that my silly assumption that everyone at the station would be an intimidating music snob was very far from reality. I started concentrating on just playing the songs that made me feel things- feelings ranging from joy to sadness to the desire to shout along at the top of my lungs to dancing alone in the studio like a lunatic. In the spirit of that, here’s a playlist of some songs that make me feels ways that range from wanting to curl up somewhere dark to wanting sing along with all my might, wanting desperately to believe in the words.