Evaluator Commentary: This essay does it all: it introduces and briefly summarizes the reading, provides a clear thesis, and supports that thesis with concrete examples. There are some sentence-level errors, such as run-ons, but there are not too many errors, and the errors do not get in the way of meaning.

Sample "Pass" Essay

Allen L. Otten's article, "This is Progress," tries to convince it's readers that modern technology has gone to far and is more trouble then it is help. I disagree with every aspect of his paper and feel that his logic is shallow and thoughtless. Otten's examples of experiences of incovenience, like computer problems at the bank or an unwanted wake-up call at a hotel, do not reflect the true nature of advances our society experiences daily. Modern medicine, computer technology and other life-saving aids have takes years of research and dedication. These advances should not be belittled by Someone not seeing the whole picture of technology.

The advances in medicine alone is reason enough to suffer through small everyday inconveniences. The human gnome project, completed just a few years ago, is a great example. This project was done on a computer and sequenced every gene in the human body. The product of this new advance shows the true gal of technology. Think what this means to the human race. We will now be able to link disease to gene mutation, where upon gene therapy and genetic counseling might be able to combat the problem.

The idea of being able to prevent and cure things that we never though possible excites me. My mother has had lupus nearly all her life and suffers daily from the pain. The advances being made in medicine may lead to a cure for this, as well as many other, diseases effecting hundreds of thousands of people. Just yesterday I was watching the ten-o'clock news. A company has created a vaccine that is given once a year to people with type A diabetes. The drug claims to prevent the symptoms of diabetes and alow these people to live normal, non regulated, lives. Free from almost all effects of this debilitating disease.

It is not just diseases that benefit form scientific advances, the possibilities are endless. People needing organ transplants also have future hope. Scientists are looking for ways to grow organs so that people will not need to be put on waiting list to receive a life threatening transplant. Instead a perfectly engineered organ can be grown specifically desingned for that person. There would be no worry of transplant rejection because the organs will always be perfect genetic matenes.

There are everyday things that we take for granted that are the product of a once new idea. A great example of this is the Amber Alert System. This system was developed by a mother whos child was kidnapped and killed by a known family friend. This system is set up so that large computerized reader boards line populated roadways and alert motorists of problems and how they can help. Three children have already been saved by this system and The bill just passed last year to install this system in all 50 states. Now this is the power of technology advancement.

The quote by Otten, "Those wonderful advances in science and technology that leave the world only slightly more snafued that before," angers me. He is falling to see the good of these advanced, but picks Severely at their problems. No good invention was copleted on the first try, but is continually modified to be made better. Think of the telephone and lightlbulb, were they finish products right from the start?

I think that we as Americans are spoiled and often fail to see how good our lives are. Compare America's and almost any other country and you will see the contributions that science and technological advances have made to our lives. It is not fair to throw it all away just because a small insignificant problem occurs. These advances should instead be embraced and worked to create useable advances.