Time to Forget

By Jeffrey Peters

 

              It was a cold, frosty, wintery night.  It was time to visit my father.  My mother drove my twin brother, Jimmy, and me from Grants Pass, Oregon to my father’s home in

Lewiston, Idaho where he lived with his new wife and her children.  Throughout the trip we felt like wild animals held hostage by the seatbelts that restrained us to our seats.  Minutes of travel became hours, and the hours seemed to turn into days.  Painfully cramped in our seats, the thought of stretching our legs was only a distant reality.  Yet, there was hope, for my brother and I were looking forward to seeing and visiting with our stepbrother Silas and stepsister Autumn.  We wanted to surprise them with our brand new Nintendo, which I had just purchased at Toys’ R ’ Us.  Knowing that Silas and Autumn were on a limited budget, I was sure that they would be excited to play some video games.    Even though I was only eight years old, I had been saving my birthday and Christmas money   for as long as I could remember.  Jimmy and I could hardly wait to break that “golden seal” that held the Nintendo box closed.  We could almost hear “Mario” and “Luigi” calling our names

 

Jimmy and I were relieved to have Silas and Autumn as part of our family.  It seemed that the four of us shared a common bond.  While my immediate family was being torn apart at the seams by divorce, their lives were too.  It was like we were all being forced into a life raft together and shoved out to sea.  Because we spent several summer and Christmas vacations together, we developed a great kinship.

.                     

Silas was about 11 years old, nearly three years older than Jimmy and I.  He was quiet and kind, but when times were difficult, Silas was quick to defend anyone of us three.  In addition to these qualities, he was an amazing artist and on occasion created a

“masterpiece,” though it was more common for him to sketch comic strips depicting characters arguing and fighting.  It seems the main character would kill all the other characters with a sword.   The rest of us would gather around him to watch him create these astonishing comic strips.

 

Silas’ sister Autumn was nine years old.  I recall vividly that she and I became close friends.  Whenever the four of us would play a game, she and I would choose to be on the same team.  So it was always Silas and Jimmy versus Autumn and me.  Our favorite team sport was dodge ball, but it was always a little brutal to play.  For some

reason Silas assigned me the job of being his

number one target.  He made sure that I knew

when he got me.  The sting from the ball only

lasted a few minutes, but the large circle shaped welts lasted at least an hour or two.             

 

I recall how our stepbrother and stepsister helped my brother Jimmy and me through our upcoming transitional periods of life.  I had been surprised my father had chosen to be with another woman and her family, but our two new friends were a good part of the change.  Many questions surfaced as I thought through this change.  My foremost question to myself was…Why did Dad leave us?

 

And so, the story unfolds.  My mother and father were our whole world.  I felt as though our existence was meant to make them proud of us.  My brother and I tried very hard not to make my parents disappointed.  First and foremost, I believed that my family was inseparable.  To my surprise, one evening my parents were fighting loudly.  My dad was yelling at my mom who was crying and screaming at him.  My father then quieted, stopped, turned, and stormed out of the house.  All the while, my brother and I hid behind our bedroom door so that we could peek around the corner, hoping that my mother was safe.  After my father walked out in a rage, my brother and I slowly crept out to the living room, only to find my mother sobbing unrelentingly.  To our comfort, she said, “Don’t worry; we are going to be just fine.” 

             

I questioned, “Why are you and dad so angry with each other?  And where did he go?”

             

My mother cried, “You are too young to understand right now…  I don’t know where he is.”

 

Just then, we heard footsteps on the front porch.  Suddenly, to our surprise, a large foot came smashing through the screen door.  Shattered pieces of wood and hardware flew into the living room.  My mother yelled out, “You stop that right now!”  At that time, my dad left.  He was gone.  Jimmy and I did not see our dad for several weeks. 

Then, one day as we were riding our bicycles, he came to us while walking down the sidewalk and said, “Hey boys!  Come down to my new house!”  Of course, we were delighted and very happy to see our dad once again.  However, we discovered he moved into a house less than a block away from us… with the woman with whom he had had an affair. 

 

Within a month, our bags were packed and the three of us moved near the Oregon coast, to a town named Grants Pass. This is where my mother found a teaching job at the community college.  My father was happy and content with his new wife and family, while my brother and I felt betrayed and abandoned by our hero.  For three years my mother drove us almost a thousand miles to spend the summers and Christmas vacations with Dad.  Fortunately, we had Silas and Autumn to look forward to.

 

At last, we pulled into my father’s driveway after this long, frightening drive through the snow storm and frigid weather.  I was excited to finally be there. My eyes got big and my heart began to thump violently.  “Come on Jimmy!  We’re here!”  I said.  My mother helped us grab our bags and we rushed to the door.  As we knocked at the door, we gave our mother a big hug.  She then headed back to her car and left.  The anticipation was overwhelming.  Silas and Autumn were just inside and they were going to be so excited to see us, too.  The door opened and dad was standing there smiling and waiting for a hug.  As my mother drove away, I stepped in and reached for him, my grin feeling like it wrapped all the way around my head.  I was so happy.  I stepped aside so Jimmy could give his hug.  In the meanwhile, I glanced into the living room scouting for Silas and Autumn.  There were eyes staring back.  Unfamiliar eyes.  There were two teenagers and an older woman looking at us.  Dad closed the door.  I looked over at Jimmy.  Of course, being a twin, my brother and I could communicate to each other without saying a word.  My look said, “Jimmy!  It’s not Silas and Autumn!” 

 

He took a quick look around and glanced back, “Who are they?” 

 

 “I don’t know.” 

 

Together, we both thought, “What is this about?”

 

The older woman walked over to my father.  She put her arm around his waist and whispered, “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”  I felt my heart hit the floor.  That was not the first time we heard a strange woman ask our dad that question.  Then, Jimmy and

I glanced at each other quickly, mostly for strength and understanding.  Silas and Autumn were gone, and we were starting to realize that we may never see them again.  It was horrifying.  It was sickening.  We were nauseous and wanted to scream.   We couldn’t show signs of weakness, though.  Not in this environment.  Looking at Dad for an explanation, he only smiled back, like a neighbor dog stares and grins in the middle of taking a big fat shit right in the middle of your freshly mowed lawn.  He said, “Jimmy and Jeffrey, I would like you to meet Charsty, Eli, and Mieka.” 

             

My eyes became saturated.  Quickly, I turned back to Jimmy and gave him the glance that said, “I just want mom to come and get us, so that we can go home.”  He agreed.

 

That was one of the longest weeks of our lives.  The two eight year olds that Mom had dropped off a week previous had changed.  Being expected to forget our brother and sister with no explanation was heartbreaking.  When Mom finally arrived to take us home, we were broken and dirty.  Wonder and guilt had plagued us to exhaustion.  We never saw Silas and Autumn again.