Proud

By Kayla Nipp

              When we were young, it was as if nothing else in the world mattered; everything seemed so easy and simple.  Never did it cross my mind that my best friend would have to endure what she did at such a young age. 

              During the second grade was when I had first been introduced to Jan.  My mother and her father worked at the Bowman Trucking Company.  We became best friends almost instantly.  I don’t remember a whole lot of our childhood together, just random bits and pieces, such as when we used to play with our Barbie Dolls and Beanie Babies for a lot of our free time.  I do know we were both brats, more her than I, though.  I always remembered that she had to get her way; otherwise she would throw a hissy fit.  As we grew up, like what most teenagers go through, our love to play with Barbies and Beanies faded.  We began to be interested in other things, such as partying.

 I used to always spend most of my time that I could over at her house.  I was known as the “usual.”  Every time I would walk through the door, her dad, Stan, would be sitting in his recliner and say, “Oh there’s that Kayla kid again.”  He was so funny; almost anything he said I would always be laughing.  Once her parents went to bed, we would both stay in her basement and drink alcohol or we would sneak out and go to a friend’s.  She was also the first friend that I had ever tried a cigarette with.  We both thought we were so rebellious.

I was fairly shy when I was younger.  It took me almost a good 12 years of being around Jan’s parents to actually feel comfortable.  And just before I was starting to be real open with them, during the beginning of the summer before we were seniors, the completely unexpected happened.  Her life was turned upside down, as was mine.  Her father overdosed and committed suicide.  I can’t even begin to describe what I thought she was feeling at that time.   I was also crushed because he was just like a second dad to me. 

The day before the funeral was the open casket.  That was probably the hardest thing I had to go through in my life so far.  I remember the song that was played during his slideshow was The Unforgiven by Metallica.  To this very day, I can’t listen to that song without shedding a tear.  During his funeral, I had never seen my best friend so lifeless looking, just staring at his casket, and not even fully comprehending what had happened.  It seemed so unreal. 

Since that time occurred, I couldn’t help but notice that she started to just let herself go, and give up on a lot of things.  She started to drink often and smoke marijuana daily.  If I hadn’t been the good friend that I was to her, I would have let her continue what she was doing.  That was not like me.  I tried talking to her one day about it.  Her reasoning for doing what she was doing always came down to, “It makes me numb.”  I felt like I couldn’t stop her. 

I remember one night we were at a friend’s get together, and Jan had drank way too much for her to handle.  Drinking alcohol was not a good idea for her to do, especially after a loss like what she just had.  Before I knew it, she started talking about her dad.  I had never seen someone so angry and upset.  She blamed everything on her father; she thought he was so selfish for what he had done.  She would be mad at him one moment, then the next she would start crying hysterically again.  It was around 4 in the morning and Jan demanded that we take her to her father’s grave.  It was quite cold out, the wind was blowing, and the sun was just about to rise.  After we got to the cemetery, Jan sat down right next to her dad’s grave, talking then yelling as if she was hoping he would hear her.  Stan loved to drink, and did it almost every day.  Therefore both Jan and I poured out our beers onto the grass and we both said aloud, “For dad.”  But since that night we started to drift apart.

As time went by, she decided to move to Kelso, Washington with her brother and mother to live with her aunt.  She finally wanted to start bettering herself.  Eventually we started to converse again.  She talked about how she was working for her aunt at their auto shop as a receptionist.  I was so happy for her.  She was definitely going in the right direction.  During that time, Jan’s mom had found a new man in her life, and decided to move back to La Grande so she could be with him.  Of course, almost for any child who has lost their parent, it was very tough on Jan.  It took her a while to get used to the fact that her mother had found someone new.  She was strong, though, and stuck it out.  The one person she knew she could always go to about any problems she may have was her grandma Terry.

              What most grandmothers like to do in their spare time usually include knitting, sewing, planting, or other various activities around their house.  Well, for Jan’s grandmother, one of her favorite pastimes was four wheeling.  Just this last summer of 2009, her grandma was four wheeling up on Fox Hill.  As she was trying to load it back onto the truck before they were leaving, she accidently pushed the gas too much and overturned the four wheeler off the ramp, which had landed on top of her.  It broke her neck and she died almost instantly.  She was probably one of the nicest ladies I have ever met, and now Jan had to suffer another loss.

             

              Despite everything that has happened, Jan is still currently managing, and doing very well.  She actually met a man of her own finally.  She has gone through more than what anyone should have to go through at such an early year in her life.  Jan is so strong-willed.  What happened is only an obstacle in her life.  She will eventually get through everything one way or another, and she now realizes it.  I love her very much for that, and I miss her incredibly every single day.  Look at how far you’ve come now; I am so proud and happy for you!

              Basically the significance that I am trying to describe from sharing this memoir of mine is that if anyone has ever lost a loved one that was very close and special to them, to not just give up on life.  It is not the end of the world.  Keep on striving for what you believe in and your goals.  Whatever has happened in your life can and will only make you a stronger, better person in the end.