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Gender Studies, St. Germain

Sample Essay

Instructor Commentary:

The numbers are not placed in the essay by the student, but by the Instructor. The footnote numbers correspond to Instructor Responses which follow the essay below. This essay is strong, but still needs some revision. The thesis should be stronger. Note that the writer asks a question in place of a thesis. The answer to this question would be the thesis and should be placed at the end of the Introduction. Note too that the writer still needs to check on correct punctuation for APA Documentation Style.


GEND201
Final Paper
Patriarchy, Fact or Fiction?

Sheri Tepper’s novel, Gate To Women’s Country, explores a world where two very distinct societies, women’s society and warrior’s society, are separated by walls. These walls have been erected as a result of a devastating time in history and the lessons a select group of women have learned. The walls are both visible and invisible, having been constructed to ensure the safety of the society established within them. This safety net of walls is maintained by selectively (and secretively) breeding men and women with non-aggressive genetic traits. Though available to those in the general population of Women’s Country with the insight and wisdom to see it, this, and other information, is not public knowledge.1

Gate To Women’s Country is a story of social hierarchy at work. Social hierarchies create a system of loss and denial, of suspicion and paranoia. They create structures of pain and structures of privilege. The predominant social structure of our world is that of patriarchy, which plays a major role in the people we become. It is also the history of the story of Gate To Women’s Country. How does the society represented in Gate To Women’s Country compare to our modern society?2

The essays we have been reading have focused on social hierarchies and how we become who we are as a result. Allan Johnson, author of The Gender Knot: Unraveling our Patriarchal Legacy, discusses how patriarchy—a male dominated, identified, centered and controlled society that involves the oppression of women (Johnson, p. 5)—is used to maintain and create invisible walls and barriers for women while maintaining privileges for men.3 In the same breath, patriarchy creates loss for men in insidious, covert ways. The invisibility of the institution of patriarchy makes it difficult, at best, for men to grasp their own loss, failures or weakness. An example of this would be the workaholic father who suddenly decides to participate in his family’s life, but whose attention is then rejected by the family.4 For men, patriarchy creates a need for control and dominance, which is frequently internalized by men as "the job of being the breadwinner."5 Men often spend inordinate amounts of time at work, striving to succeed and provide material objects for their families, ignoring everyone’s, including their own, emotional needs. When an absentee father suddenly decides he wants emotional fulfillment from his family, the family members do not know how to act toward this seemingly strange request, rejecting their father’s request. Because he feels he is being a good father and providing for his family by working so hard, the man blames the family for his hurt feelings, saying they don’t appreciate all of his hard work to provide the "things" (i.e., material objects) they need. Even though this father does not feel privilege (after all, he is working day and night to provide for his family), the workings and privilege of a patriarchal society is such that the misery and suffering men go through is directly linked to their participation in this system. (Johnson, 174)6

Any type of oppressive system creates a social hierarchy, pitting one person against another; elevating one person above another. In his essay, Pigskin, Patriarchy and Pain, Don Sabo talks about the physical and mental pain social hierarchies, such as patriarchy, racism, sexism, etc. create. ""Hierarchy breeds inequity and inequity breeds pain. To remain stable, the hierarchy must either justify the pain or explain it away." (Sabo, 375) The system of patriarchy imposes values on men that dictate they be successful, in control of their endeavors at all costs, and be "manly" or they are seen as losers, wimps, sissies, faggots. (Avicolli, 377) The pain inflicted on non-conformists is then justified through dehumanizing clichés such as "They’re not real men." or "Only girls cry."7

Patriarchy rewards those who have learned to internalize the pain and injury involved in its brutality, especially in the area of sports such as football ("Take it like a man."). The boys and young men that have learned to play the part of sports animals, "fanatically aggressive and ruthlessly competitive." (Sabo, 374) are publicly idolized and revered, receiving recognition from their male peers. While these boys (and eventually grown men) were breaking their bones and wearing their casts, bandages, neck braces, etc., as trophies, was there anyone telling them the physical toll this physical aggression would be taking on their bodies? The social structure of patriarchy places such high-esteem and dollar value on "sports heroes", the physically destructive nature of sports as a whole, is being explained away, or justified, by the rewards (money and stature) of the games (for the selected few). The stars are paid unimaginable amounts of money and looked upon as gods. And when they fail in some aspect of their lives, either personal or professional, their behavior is justified as "only human", their inappropriate behavior is excused and they go on their merry way, as if nothing happened.8

An act as simple as throwing a baseball is viewed from a male-centered perspective (Messner, p. 57), despite the fact that a female throws a ball in a way that is physically natural and non-destructive to the arm and its related parts. Perhaps, as part of the continual sports commercial blitz, Joe Namath or Dick Butkus or Mohammad Ali or Nolan Ryan or any number of "sports heroes" who are now crippled and debilitated as a result of their participation, should speak out and inform their admirers of the long-term dangers involved.9

Running throughout Gate To Women’s Country is the theme of suspicion and paranoia on the part of the men living outside the social structure created by Women’s Country. One of the main concerns of the men living in the Marthaville’s garrison is their continual worry about the women keeping secrets from them and plotting against them. They are continually afraid of anyone or anything new or different from them and their lack of knowledge about the world outside their garrison walls causes this paranoia, with a need to "get them before they get us." The warriors plot and scheme to gain the women’s secret information, drawing the most easily influenced boys into their scheming. "It’s a matter of honor" is the philosophy used to explain their actions and why the boys must obey them. Akin to calling a man or boy "chicken" or a "girl", forcing one person to feel the pressure of maintaining status and face for the entire gender, otherwise taking everyone down with them, or as Allan Johnson eludes to, "[turning] reality on its head with false parallels." (Johnson, p. 180)10

One characteristic of patriarchy is the violence used against females as a statement about power and control. In Gate To Women’s Country, this is illustrated through the narrative of Stavia’s capture by the Holylanders, where females are viewed as possessions of men—a status of worthlessness. The males in Holylander are willing to break the legs of their females to make them more compliant and "easier to catch" if they should choose to try and run away from their advances. In the United States today, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for women. One-third of all female murder victims are killed by their spouse or significant other, ex- or otherwise. Domestic violence is at epidemic proportions in this country. (Sklar, p. 261)11

In her essay," The Social Construction of Gender," Judith Lorber supports patriarchy as an oppressive system by providing examples of how female anatomy, physiology and biology has been learned and taught from a male perspective. When a women is seeking medical assistance, they are further hindered by a lack of female doctors. How can a male doctor relate to a woman going through menopause? 12 How comfortable, and honest, is a teenage girl seeking medical help for a sexually transmitted disease going to be when she’s facing a male doctor that reminds her of her father, or worse yet, grandfather? 13 A point taken by Sandra Lipsitz Ben in" In a Male-Centered World, Female Differences are Transformed into Female Disadvantages" describes how women, when ill, frequently display different symptoms then men, but it is from the male perspective that disease research, and female biological function, is conducted. Again, how can a male doctor relate to the symptoms displayed by a female when all he has been taught is based on male symptoms?14

The leaders of Women’s Country have taken their medical knowledge in a different direction and are using it to secretly eliminate the genetic traits of "penis worshipers…trumpets and drums and games…" (Tepper, 295) By understanding their history and the causes of war, the Councilwomen of Women’s Country utilize secretive birth control methods and selective breeding techniques to eliminate the aggressive traits of the men, and hopefully ensuring their survival. But the privilege of this knowledge and the status of being a Councilwoman come with its own price—it cannot be shared. This becomes clear in a conversation Morgot has with her daughter, Stavia, while Stavia is recovering from the abuse she endured at the hands of the Holylanders, which occurred when she was betrayed by Chernon, in his quest to learn the secrets of Women’s Country (at the prompting of the paranoid garrison commanders). Because Stavia has become pregnant by Chernon, a warrior, she is being given the choice as to whether or not she wants to keep "a warrior’s child". Previously, Stavia had broken the Women’s Country ordinances by sharing books with Chernon and endangering everyone. Because she is about to be told some extraordinarily privilege information, Morgot needs to elicit an oath of confidentiality from Stavia, telling Stavia she wouldn’t be allowed to "leave [the] room" without pledging her oath. Stavia responds to Morgot by questioning Morgot’s willingness to let her, Stavia, be killed. Morgot responds very matter-of-factly, "I wouldn’t ‘let’. There would be nothing I could do." but continues with a very poignant statement, "Oh, Stavvy, we’ve taken so long, worked so hard, sacrificed so much—our lovers, our sons…" Words and feelings only someone who has struggled to overcome oppression can truly appreciate and understand.15

The story in Gate To Women’s Country, closes with the warriors from the Marthaville garrison plotting to invade the town. The Councilwomen of Marthaville, having been made aware of this plot, conspire with the other women’s councils to eliminate the Marthaville garrison completely and reduce the size of the other garrisons. Paranoia and aggression on the part of the male warriors, coupled with the women’s paranoia of the men and their need for self-preservation, are the causes of these drastic steps.16

In Gate To Women’s Country, the aggressive and domination traits of men caused the devastation of the world that killed innocent women and children. The surviving women are working toward a new society, selecting the least aggressive men to father new generations. The male-dominant traits that caused the near-annihilation of the society preceding Women’s Country were slowly being eliminated, creating a world where its inhabitants could live in peace, rather than under a constant threat of war.17

Patriarchy has been a mainstay of our society for so long, it is difficult to think along any different lines and clearly see any different view of our world. Unfortunately, patriarchy is alive and well today. 18

Tonight, there was a commercial on TV for a new prime time "reality show" being premiered, "Extreme Makeover". This show will feature participants (two females and one male) receiving Botox injections, undergoing plastic surgery, etc., because " everyone wants to look their best." We live in a fast-paced, visual society and any flaw someone has is magnified a thousand fold when compared to the supermodels that are flashed across our TV screens and shown on the cover of every magazine around. Plastic surgeons abound and provide the required beauty shortcuts our society demands. As eating disorders and depression continue to rise in females of all ages (Hesse-Biber, pp 527-533), this new television show is a sad reflection on where we are headed. The heroines of our young women tout plastic surgery as a beauty enhancement and a way to feel better about themselves. (Gerhard, 395)19

With the majority of television executives being male, "Extreme Makeover" is another example of patriarchy in action—males displaying their version of perfection, males controlling the view of the world everyone sees, males pushing females to fit their standard of beauty. The only thing sadder than this show being hyped as entertainment is the willingness of the participants to be part of the entertainment circus.20

The evening news is once again compromised of suicide bombings in the Middle East, talk of "weapons of mass destruction", the war against Iraq, the war on terrorism, shootings and killings in our own country. I look at the pictures that go along with these news stories and see the faces of those involved in and leading these conflicts, and see the faces of our world’s men. I see patriarchal ideals facing each other down, with neither side willing to budge an inch nor compromise in any way. I hear our own President continually talking of war against this country or that country and I have to wonder where our patriarchy history is taking us. I see no one in power having the courage to take a stand against this showdown of dominance and aggression. Does our patriarchal world stand a chance of survival?21

Though Gate To Women’s Country is a fictional story, the story behind the creation of the society it represents has many parallels to our current world situation. The entire system of patriarchy sanctifies and glorifies war. Memorials are built to honor war and the warriors who died. History books tell the stories of conflict and conquest from a male point of view. But what about the innocents of war who are killed? What about the millions of women and children who have died, and will continue to die, as a result of man’s need to be dominant and in control? Why are there no monuments to them? Who will remember them? I don’t want end up like the females in Gate to Women’s Country—small, isolated pockets of women who are secretly working to breed a gentler, less aggressive male species. As individuals, we have to take a stand and work to eliminate all types of oppression, not just patriarchy. Only then does the human race stand a chance of survival.22

WORKS CITED

The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy. Allan G. Johnson. 1997. Temple Press. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Race, Class and Gender in the United States. Paula S. Rothenberg. 2001. Worth Publishers. New York, New York.

Gate To Women’s Country. Sheri S. Tepper. Doubleday Publishers. 1988. New York, New York.

 

Instructor Comments:

Page: 1
1 The reader should find the thesis in the first paragraph. I do not.
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2 Here is the thesis. I would try to find a way to merge these two paragraphs. In addition I suggest that the thesis become more focused by telling the reader what aspects of these two societies you will explore.
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3 Good use of definition and course materials.
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4 Consider balancing this good example from the "real" world with one from the novel.
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5 If you are quoting Johnson then you need in-text citation. If not, I do not think you need the quotation marks.
Page: 1
6 Avoid ending a paragraph with the words of another author. Remember to explain to the reader why the quote or paraphrase is important to your argument. In addition, I think you might consider sharing some examples of how the women leaders in the novel controlled for such "demands" of work (or not). In this way, you would have been able to compare and contrast, then offer some analysis on the similarities and differences.
Page: 1
7 Great use of course material to illustrate your point. Again, what was going on in the novel? Does the same hold true for any dominant/subordinate group? What happened in Women’s Country when women were dominant? Compare and contrast, analyze the similarities and differences between the two world as your thesis said you would..
Page: 1
8 Again, excellent use of course materials as evidence but what about the synthesis. What parallels can you draw between sports in America and the warriors of the garrisons in the novel? What rituals are similar in their sports games and rights of passage?
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9 Same comment as above.
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10 Here I find all the great examples from the novel I have been looking for in one paragraph. These need to be weaved into the body of the argument above in the places I have indicated. Also, another paragraph without a concluding sentence. Watch paragraph structure.
Page: 1
11 Same comment as above.
Page: 1
12 Avoid rhetorical questions—rewrite as a statement.
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13 Same comment as above.
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14 Same comment as above. Do not ask a question you are not prepared to answer. Do not expect the reader to be able to intuit the answer from the Ben paraphrase. Your job is to help the reader understand your point by explaining it clearly and concisely. Closer attention to paragraph structure and the use of a concluding sentence would have gone a long way to solving this problem. Good use of course materials.Page: 2
15 Excellent examples from the novel. It would be better to weave them into your discussion of medicine in the "real" world than including them all in one paragraph. Explore different ways to organize the paper that lend themselves to helping the reader to compare and contrast as your these promised. Also, you must properly cite the novel when you quote or paraphrase—just as you do when citing nonfiction.
Page: 2
16 How is this similar to the "real" world? What does it show us about gender?
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17 Same comment as above.
Page: 2
18 Is this a paragraph? I suggest merging it with the paragraph above and using an example from the "real" world to link the two.
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19 How does this relate to the novel? Give examples? Good use of course materials. Needs a concluding sentence.
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20 And in the novel…? Example is needed to balance the analysis.
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21 Have you used the first person well here? Does it advance your argument? Does your personal experience lend credibility to the essay? Avoid rhetorical questions (see comment above on this issue).
Page: 2
22 This paragraph does not meet the requirements for a concluding paragraph for an essay. Please review the rules for concluding paragraphs.



 


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