Confused Mind

By Mindy Clements

“I’ve got to get to Summerville to get John Doe, and we are supposed to go to Alaska and get married. If we don’t get out of here people, are going to start going up in flames.” This is what my mother-in-law had told the police when she walked into the police station. She wanted the police to give her a ride. My husband, Ray, got a call from the police station to come get his mother. This is one of the many times that his mother has been out of her mind. She has never been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, but she shows all the symptoms of having the disorder. Even my husband’s brother, who has Schizophrenia, says that she shows all the signs and symptoms that he displayed before he was put on the right medicine. It seems that she has an episode every year around the same time. But what do you do when the person doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with them? Unless they are willing to go to the doctor, how do you get help for them? There’s not much we can do.

              For the most part his mom and brother do all right, but neither of them are really able to hold down a job, so they live month to month on social security. I truly think that they don’t have a clue about the real world and what’s going on, because it’s like they have their own little world. Things that a mother usually knows about her kids, she does not. For example, Ray’s stepmom knows him better than his real mom, like Ray not liking onions, tomatoes, and mayo on his sandwiches.

              Some of the things Ray’s mother does are hard to understand. She hasn’t slept in her bed in two years because she thinks that the demons in her bedroom floor have taken over her bedroom, so she sleeps on the couch. Then she called the police because she thought her phone was tapped and people were listening to her phone conversations. She has even said that someone came into her apartment and threw her papers on the floor, but you can’t get into her apartment complex without knowing the code. At one point she thought that because she had checks, she had money. Ray had to explain that just because she had checks doesn’t mean she has the money to be spending.

              The day that Ray got the call from the police, he went to the station to get her, and her crazy story about John Doe continued. We didn’t know if John was real. She continued to insist that she was supposed to go to Alaska to get married, and if she didn’t people would start going up in flames. Her bags were packed in the car ready to go. But since she didn’t have enough gas to get to Summerville to pick up John, she had gone into the police Station to get a ride. Ray talked her into getting in her car and following him to his brother’s. At Ray’s brothers, she kept insisting on going to Summerville to find someone named John. Finally his brother said he would take her to find John. When they arrived in Summerville, they stopped at the store to ask if anyone knew where John Doe lived. The store clerk said that they didn’t know where John lived, but his brother lived just down the street. John Doe then did exist. They went to the brother’s house, but no one was there. She started digging in her purse and happened to find John’s phone number, and then she called him and asked if he was going to come and see her at his brother’s house.  He said that he wouldn’t be able to come see her, but that it was good talking to her. John had finally recognized her name. He only knew her from when she took care of his mother years ago. He was a married man who had no idea of Ray’s mother’s fantasies. What an awkward phone conversation that must have been.

              So now that mystery was solved. It seems that his mother picks out people she has known and builds up stories in her mind. Another time she attached her fantasies to a friend named Steve Long. She would call him at all hours of the night, and then when he didn’t answer, she would hang-up. But he knew it was her because Steve had caller i.d. She even sent him a letter and the key to her apartment. In the letter she told him that she was waiting for him to pick her up because the Lord wanted them to be together and to get married. Steve would call Ray and tell him that his mom sent her key to her apartment and he didn’t feel comfortable having it, so he would drop it off for Ray. She also would tell Ray that she heard that Steve and his wife were getting divorced, Ray would tell her that he is still married and to quit calling Steve and bothering him and his wife. She knew Steve and his wife because Ray and his brother grew-up with Phil’s boys through the fourth and fifth grade. I don’t know why she picks men that are married and then comes up with fantasies that they are supposed to get married. This is just part of her illness.

              But how do you get help for someone that thinks that there is nothing wrong with them and that they don’t need to go to the doctor? Ray and his brother have tried to get her help, but there’s not much they can do. Because of the privacy policies, families and friends can’t force someone to go to the doctor, unless they are willing to go on their own. People don’t realize how hard it is to get help for someone that is in desperate need of help. Unless you have been in situations like this, you don’t realize how helpless you feel, when there is nothing you can do to help your loved one.