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Model #1

Writing and the Frustration It Caused

When I think of writing, I start to get a bone chilling feeling. The words frustrated, embarrassed and failure come to mind. At first I was making an effort, but I think I just fell too far behind. I needed to get over some writing problems I have faced, but the help I received was a day late and a dollar short. The embarrassment I felt caused me to hide my problems and finally to quit trying. The frustration first started in third grade and followed me into college. My writing history shows that writing has always been frustrating for me.

I can remember writing my first essay in third grade. At that time I could barely read, much less write a complete essay. When asked to read out loud, I would be terrified. I would break into a cold sweat and make an excuse why I would not read. When it was time for me to learn how to write, it was like learning how to water-ski when I did not know how to swim. I could not understand the concepts of main topic, description, or conclusion. This was all like a foreign language to me. When the teacher talked she reminded me of the teacher from the Peanuts cartoon. She said, "Womp wha womp womp wha." Nevertheless, I still passed to the next grade.

The next significant time I can remember in my writing history would be in the fifth grade. I learned how to read by this time, but writing was still a problem, mainly spelling and grammar. The teacher I had was not very helpful. She seemed to be always frustrated or angry with me because I needed more help than she had time to give. She never wanted to answer my raised hand when I had a question. I remember one time I had my hand up for over half the class and I knew she saw me. I think this is the teacher who gave me that "bone-chilling" fear of writing. I wanted help but people always seemed to be too busy. I think the only reason I passed the class was because she did not want to deal with me the next year.

In sixth grade I had an understanding teacher who helped me concentrate more on my writing. She did not make me feel bad for being so far behind the other students. Now more than ever I wanted to be a good writer. My desire just made my frustration worse. I was trying really hard and still getting bad grades. At this time in my life my problems in writing still had to do with spelling and grammar. One day we were assigned a book report and I was set on getting a good grade this time. I did not go out and play with my friends after school that day. I stayed inside to work on my book report. Still, with all my new found effort and excitement, I failed. The teacher said that I should have spent more time on my essay. This crushed my self-esteem for my writing career.

After sixth grade, it was time for me to switch schools. This place was a middle school and a high school put together. I never felt more intimidated. It was a tradition for the older kids to give younger kids wedgies up to our necks. This kind of stress made me even less interested in my writing skills. I tried at first, but I always felt like I was too far behind the other students. This made me embarrassed to even ask for help. I did not want anyone to know that I had a problem. The first time I read an essay of mine out loud, the class laughed at me. I think this is when I started to give up. I started to think I would be better off in elementary school. After a few experiences like this, I dropped out of high school.

In 1995 I decided to get my GED and continue with my education. Now it is the year 2000 and I cannot believe I am in college now. As far as I am concerned, I refuse to give up this time. I feel the school system failed me in the past and overlooked my needs. I feel like I have had my hand up for a long time. I am going to put my hand down now and find my own answers.